Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
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I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
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Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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