Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
