so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
