Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
