i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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