i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will pee on everything he values.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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