You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
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oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
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Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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