Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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