If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
