yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
he had hair everywhere except his balls
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
