im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The air taste purple.
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