She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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