hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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