he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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