last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
