I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
