please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
