Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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