Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
