Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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