Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
