I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
