I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
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