oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
