Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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