dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
