I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
