R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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