I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
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tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
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My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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