you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
