She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Let's get the cat blown out
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
