Christians are straight up FREAKS
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
