I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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