And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
