They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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