y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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