Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
