I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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