your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
