Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
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How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
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He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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