Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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