She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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