My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
