to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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