My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
