we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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