if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
