clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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