im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Dignity is for republicans.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
