party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
