just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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