if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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