your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize