The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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