I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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