Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
