Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
